A Lifetime of You
by Museless Fool
Summary: The death of Keine causes Mokou to withdraw from the world. Vowing to never get close to another human, Mokou spends her days lurking in the thickets of the Bamboo Forest. But love has a habit of worming its way in when least expected.
1. A Departure in the Fall

_Disclaimers: The following characters are the property of ZUN._

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_A/N: So, I'm pretty much stumbling into unknown territory here with Touhou Project of all things. Forgive me if I happen to get any details wrong. I am researching as I go. That being said, I love Keine and Mokou together. This story just had to be written._

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A Departure in the Fall  


It was autumn when Keine died. The fragile shell that held her soul had gotten old, had finally expired. Mokou took a sip of sake before her gaze traveled upwards. The leaves above were alive with warm colors, a furious explosions of orange and reds contrasting with a cool blue sky. _The leaves are too gaudy_, Mokou thought dully. Her jaw ached from the set tenseness since she had begun to see the life seeping from Keine's face. But the woman had left with a gentle smile and a soft touch to Mokou's hand. That was three days ago. Or it might have been more; the days passed by in a haze of drink and sleep. Mokou didn't want to go home and she refused to go back to Keine's house. Keine was gone.

She stared at the wide river in front of her. The leaves falling from overhead were gracefully propelled along the path of the river but Mokou knew the currents were dangerous, the river deep and cold.

"So this is where you've been sulking."

Mokou glared at the intruder, her red eyes narrowed, "What are you doing here?" Her voice hoarse from disuse managed to make her words much more menacing but the newcomer smiled blithely. Her long dark hair flowed beautifully as a cool draft of wind whispered through the trees and stirred the leaves.

"I thought I'd keep you company now that your favorite person is gone. Or would you prefer I comfort you in another manner?" Kaguya's voice was sly though her face innocent.

"You-!" Rage consumed Mokou's visage as she leapt towards Kaguya. She tackled the exiled lunarian princess and they both fell, Kaguya on her back, Mokou on top of her. Kaguya's face lit with pain as Mokou's hands wound around her neck and squeezed but she wore a hint of a taunt underneath the pain.

"So, there's still some fire in you," she managed to say. She pushed against Mokou with all her strength and Mokou fell back, her fingers making clawing motions, her movements unsteady. She finally felt the effects of the alcohol now that she was standing. Kaguya began to advance and Mokou took a step back, her jaw set, her gritted teeth exposed in a snarl. Her heel encountered a large rock jutting out of the ground and she was the one to fall back this time on her rear. Kaguya smiled though her burnt umber eyes were unreadable. She dropped to her knees, straddling Mokou who froze at the action. The sake was making her head swim, her vision doubling as Kaguya drew even closer. Suddenly, the lunarian's lips were upon hers. They were so soft but foreign. Pale fingers clutched at her shoulders and Mokou grabbed Kaguya'swrists and tugged them away from her body.

_Keine. These are not Keine's lips. This is not Keine's warmth. This is not her scent._

_Keine._

_Keine._

The tears broke free of the dam she kept secured inside and they poured from her eyes down her cheeks without ceasing. "Get off me. _Get off me now_," she snarled. Gathering her strength she pushed with all her might and sent the woman flying backwards again. Kaguya crashed into a tree, a grunt of pain flying past her lips as her back connected to the trunk. A rain of burning leaves fell from above as a sneer danced upon her lips while she gazed at Mokou.

"I guess it's too soon."

Mokou's heart clenched in pain as the memory of Keine's last smile came to her. "Leave me alone or I _will_ kill you the next time you cross my path. " Mokou growled even as the tears continued to fall. The words were futile however. Kaguya could not die just as Mokou could not die. They were stuck in this endless cycle of violence and hate and a fusion of other unknown emotions. Turning her back to Kaguya she entered the forest quickly disappearing under the canopy of leaves that looked like they'd been set afire.

The mocking smile left Kaguya's lips as she continued to stare into the forest, her lips bent in despair instead.

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_To be continued..._


	2. Lost and Found

_Disclaimer: Touhou Project and its characters are the property of ZUN.  
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Lost and Found

It was a cold morning in Gensokyo. Winter had arrived, although it had yet to snow. Fujiwara no Mokou shivered as she made her way to the water well in the clearing near her cottage. Despite the weather she was still dressed lightly in her customary clothes of a pale brown shirt and red pants with its accompanying suspenders. _I'll have to unpack my winter coat, _she decided, _it's only going to get colder from here on out. _A wooden lid sat atop the well to prevent leaves and other debris from falling into the water. She lifted it, pleased to see it was not even close to freezing over.

_Good, makes life a little easier. _

She would have had to use magic to unfreeze it and she did not particularly care for the idea. The only time she truly resorted to using spells and spellcards was when she sparred with Kaguya. And even the last fight with Kaguya was a long time ago. A whispering thought came to her, _around the time she died. _Mokou's pale brows lifted and came together in concentration.

_Who was it that died again? _She couldn't remember. It had been so long ago and human life was a mere blink compared to Kaguya and Mokou's own life. As immortal being they witnessed the endless amount of death, while life held them in its grasp for an eternity. _Tch, it's too early in the morning to be thinking about this. _

Mokou dropped the wooden bucket into the well. It created a splash, the sound echoing loudly in the enclosed chamber as it hit the surface of the water. She pulled the rope and the bucket came to her, heavier now than on its way down. The bucket of water was almost in her reach when she stilled her movements and listened to the sounds around her. A loud rustling met her ears and she resumed pulling the bucket up quietly and placed it on the ground near her feet. She turned to face the direction the noise came from.

Whoever it was made a lot of noise as they stumbled through the bamboo shoots. That's what it sounded like to Mokou, a lot of stumbling. The sounds were traveling towards her direction, towards the clearing where Mokou had built her cottage.

A hooded cloak-covered form exploded out from between the bamboo plants and came to a stop instantly. Mokou noted the surprise displayed on the person's face. Wide golden brown eyes took in Mokou's appearance. Lips parted in order to speak but before the stranger could make the effort Mokou interrupted.

"You're lost?" Mokou asked with a sigh. She bent down and poured the bucket of water she had drawn into the one she came out of the cottage with. She had already grown bored of the affair. Strangers getting lost in the Bamboo Forest was not a new thing. In fact, it was downright tiresome sometimes.

The figure nodded, "Yes. I'm looking for the human village. Is it nearby?" Under the shapeless cloak was a woman. Her voice sounded odd and it hit Mokou a moment later why. The woman was trembling due to the cold. There was a bulky bag strapped to her back. Who knows how long she had wandered around the forest before finding the clearing. Looking closer she could see the woman had left girlhood not too long ago. Taking in the fresh youthful face, Mokou almost felt tired in comparison. Almost. Red eyes rolled in annoyance. _Once again, too early to be thinking of such things. _

She picked up the bucket, contemplating. She could draw her a map. Or she could escort the woman to the edge of the forest. Which was quicker? The answer was obvious of course. But something in the brown eyes tugged at Mokou.

_Doing these unnecessary things... _Once more she sighed.

"Follow me," she muttered and led the way to into the house. She could hear the footsteps of the stranger behind her.

"Excuse me-" the voice tentatively called out but Mokou ignored it.

"Leave your baggage by the door and have a seat by the fire." She poured some of the water from the bucket into a kettle and hung it over the fire. The rest she poured into a basin where she proceeded to roll up her sleeves and splash water on her face. There was no sound in the cottage other than the splash of water and the crackling of the fire in the middle of the room. Finishing her morning ablutions, she turned around to see the woman was comfortably seated near the fire, her hood thrown back. Pale fine hair shimmered in the firelight. When was the last time she invited someone inside her home?

She couldn't recall. This woman didn't seem to mind so much about the silence. In a way it almost troubled Mokou. _Just give her some tea and get her out, _Mokou advised herself. She nodded, her own pale violet hair following the movement. Grabbing an extra cup she made from the segment of a large bamboo stalk she sat down abruptly on the other side of the fire across from the woman. Steam had begun to escape from the long mouth of the kettle and she took it down from the hook and poured the lightly colored liquid into the cups.

She nudged one of the cups toward the woman, "When you are warmed up, I'll escort you to the edge of the forest."

The woman smiled gratefully before taking a sip, her eyes shining, "Thank you! My apologies I haven't introduced myself-"

A light frown passed over Mokou's face as she held out a hand to stop the woman, "Don't bother. I'm not interested in learning your name." The woman looked crestfallen momentarily, "You don't need to know my name either."

"Ah...is that so?"

"Yes, that's how it is." Silence followed her statement and Mokou peeked at the woman through lowered lids. The stranger appeared to be struggling with something, the emotions clear as day on her face. _Not my problem, _Mokou resolved.

The fire crackled and popped as if to carry on a conversation in the silence. But still, it did not feel uncomfortable. When the cups were emptied Mokou stood and the woman followed. She waited patiently as the woman drew the cloak closer to her body and placed the large pack on her back again. They left the clearing, walking together in silence except for the occasional, _this way_, uttered by Mokou. The forest dweller could feel the weight of the stranger's glance every so often.

At the edge of the forest Mokou paused, "This is far enough. Take this path down and continue right at the fork in the road. You'll find the entrance to the village soon."

The woman nodded, and Mokou could see the same expression from earlier mixed with hesitancy. After a delay she simply said, "Thank you for your kindness. I hope to repay you soon."

"There's no need. Your thanks is fine," Mokou replied, she was ready to get back to the cottage. Her mind was already on the day's task, she needed to tend to the roof before the first snow fell. She turned and walked off but before she had gotten very far she stopped and turned to the woman again.

"If you feel compelled to repay me then get yourself a better coat," she called back with a frown.

A smile came to the woman's face, a gentle beam combined with two pink patches on her cheeks. Mokou felt a sudden lump in her throat. _What the hell? _She turned and proceeded on her way again hoping the woman had not seen the redness of her own cheeks before she turned away.

Mokou scowled, w_hat does it matter anyway? I won't be seeing her again. _

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_Thanks for the follows dear readers! _


	3. Waking Ghosts

_Disclaimers: Tohou Project and its characters are the property of ZUN and Team Shanghai Alice._

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Waking Ghosts  


_The memories came to her in little flashes. Hair the color of moonlight. Brown eyes, dark and deep. They were bottomless wells of kindness, shining for the world to see. Shining for Mokou's pleasure. The shy twist of a smile the first time they kissed. Skin, illuminated by the light of the fire the first time they made love. They bombarded her in sleep and Mokou shifted in the futon restlessly. The memories brought with them companions, emotions she had long pushed to the side and settled for the dullness of the day-to-day. She became re-acquainted with them immediately, and they crushed her with the weight of it all. They clawed at her from inside her chest and she felt as if she was suffocating. _

_Her eyes flashed open and she blankly stared up at the thatched ceiling of her cottage. Her covers had been kicked aside and the fire had died down, the flames dancing low in the ashes of the hearth. By the time she recognized her own home the dream had slipped away through the cracks of her cottage and flown off into the night. _

-x-x-x-

The stranger came again the next day. This time she did not appear to be lost; she had deliberately sought out the clearing in order to find Mokou. When she arrived Mokou was in the middle of replacing the layers of dried reeds. Yesterday she had fixed the patches that needed replacing but somehow when she woke up this morning it hadn't been enough. She felt restless and wild as if a great fire was beginning to build inside. So she had ripped all of the reeds off, even the ones she had replaced yesterday and started layering the roof with a new set. Her cottage was small, so it was a day's work at most.

She felt empty since she had woken, breakfast had done nothing to alleviate the unknown need inside her nor did the flurry of activity make a difference. Refusing to face the emotions she worked even harder. The sun shone down on her from directly above and despite the chill in the air she had started to sweat. Rolling up her sleeves she walked over to the well and picked up the ladle for a drink of water.

As she took in a mouthful of cold water she heard a voice behind her.

"Good day, Fujiwara-san!" Came the cheery greeting and Mokou almost choked when she recognized the voice.

Swallowing quickly, she turned to the visitor," What are you doing here?" Her words were far from welcoming and her countenance was lit by a scowl but the woman was not put off by the attitude.

The stranger held up the parcel she carried, "I'm here to repay yesterday's kindness."

"I don't want it and I don't want you here," Mokou threw the ladle down and approached the woman with a feral snarl on her face. She expected the woman to back away but the stranger stood her ground until Mokou's face was inches from hers.

Vulnerability shone from the depths but curiosity was also there, lurking in the iris and pupils. The woman's lips trembled momentarily before she tightened her lips together. _Her skin is really smooth, her lips the color of coral. _Mokou's heart began to pound in her chest as she realized she was close enough to smell the woman. A subtle, gentle yet sweet scent clung to her and Mokou was not aware she had begun to move even closer.

"Fujiwara-san..." A whisper was all it took to bring Mokou back to her senses. Her eyes became frosty, her lips a twist of displeasure.

"Go away," Mokou ground out between gritted teeth. She was twice as angry all of a sudden and she wanted to strike out but held herself back. "Don't come back here. Ever."

Before the woman's hurt could register, Mokou turned, her long pale violet hair a silk blanket as it danced in the wind. Striding to her cottage Mokou closed the door behind her firmly, loudly, giving the woman the sign that she would not emerge as long she remained.

Mokou stood with her back braced against the door and listened. But for the first few moments she couldn't hear a thing. The pounding of her heart was much too loud. Just what had she been doing? What had been her intention when she had drawn so close to the woman? By the time her heartbeat quieted Mokou could only detect the silence of the forest. Sliding the door open she found no presence nearby. But the parcel had been left in front of the door.

"That fool!" Mokou hissed as she unwrapped the blue cloth. Three containers and a small jar had been wrapped together, all of them carrying food. Scents of side dishes that Mokou did not typically prepare for herself wafted up from the bentou boxes. The jar was filled with pickled plums. She covered the containers and took them into the cottage, an aggravated sigh leaving her.

"Too much for one person," she muttered to herself.

-x-x-x-

Kaguya's eyes widened in surprise, "She returned with food? And you turned her away?"

Mokou nodded as she took a sip of sake. Every forthnight or so the former Lunarian would find her way to Mokou's home with a large bottle or two of sake in tow. They would drink and talk until every drop was gone. But mostly they would drink. Of the two, Kaguya was the talkative one and she was never bothered by the taciturn nature Mokou displayed. What truly surprised Kaguya tonight was the unusually chatty mood of Mokou's. Humans ended lost in the Bamboo Forest all of the time and usually Mokou guided them back to a path they could recognize. But she never spoke about them like this. Nor did she get angry at them in the manner she was obviously angry at the woman. But Kaguya could see Mokou was not truly vexed at the woman, but at herself. Somehow this stranger had been able to affect Mokou in a way no one else had been able to in a very long time.

"So what did you do?" Kaguya asked, glancing at the other woman from the corner of her eyes. Her voice was lazy, disguising the curiosity she felt stirring deep inside.

"I ate it. Would have been a wasteful to throw away after all," Mokou replied as she stared into her drink before downing all of it. Her voice was slower now and Kaguya realized the second bottle was almost empty. It wouldn't take long for sleep to claim the both of them now.

"I'll get the futons," Mokou offered standing woozily and Kaguya nodded as she refilled the sake cups with the last of the alcohol.

Later, as the night wind rustled through the bamboo forest surrounding the cottage and they were lying in their respective futons, side by side, Kaguya called Mokou's name.

"What?" The response that came was slurry with drink and sleep.

"You should not turn her away," the Kaguya advised as she stared up at the ceiling of the cottage.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Mokou scoffed. Silence drifted in between them and just when Kaguya thought Mokou was asleep she heard the woman mutter in a low voice, "...she's no Keine."

The sleepy feeling that had gently covered Kaguya departed swiftly as her eyes widened. She hadn't heard Mokou utter that name in over a hundred years. She thought Keine had been forgotten. Even now the long-deceased woman was a hazy memory for Kaguya. She had lived for so long and would continue living that even this moment would one day vanish from her memory. One day it would be the same for Mokou as well. Sleep gradually returned with a feeling of melancholia she couldn't shake.

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_To be continued. _

_Thank you readers for the alerts and favorites._


	4. Market Day and a Thank You Gift

Market Day and a Thank You Gift

When she awoke the next morning Mokou had an inkling that the conversation she shared with Kaguya might have been important. But her head-and her thoughts felt foggy due to the night's drinking and she couldn't quite remember how it went. Placing a hand to her temple she groaned. No matter how many years passed, she always felt hungover especially if the drinking exceeded more than a bottle. She had never been one for excessive drinking. Her brow furrowed, _Except for that one time..._But how does one spend eternity passing the days except eating and drinking? How did the Oni do it? How did the Celestials? She couldn't quite answer, she had simply drifted from sunrise to moonrise, following the cycles as they reset themselves every new day.

_Ugh, enough thinking!_

Even her thoughts seem to hurt as her head throbbed. But by midday she knew the hangover would be gone, replaced by a dull ache and by evening it would be a mere whisper of the morning's pain. In the next forthnight the cycle would be reset again. She looked around her cottage. Kaguya was long gone, the former princess had woken early, just when dawn had presented itself as a thin red thread laying flat on the horizon. She had mentioned something to the extent of enjoying the early morning stroll back to Eientei. Before she left she casually invited Mokou over to her home for their next drink. Mokou had nodded in agreement, her eyes bleary as she followed Kaguya outdoors.

They both shivered from coldness but for different reasons: Mokou because she was simply cold, and Kaguya from delight at the early morning weather. Mokou had a faint image of Kaguya, though freezing, slipping into Eirin's futon the moment she arrived home.

"You're just going to sleep again aren't you?" Mokou halfhearted accused her while glancing up at the sky. The stars had yet to fade, their twinkling light defiant in the coming day.

Kaguya tittered, "Of course, how else should I spend my days with weather like this?"

The Lunarian's words sharpened the image of Eirin and Kaguya and Mokou could feel a faint blush building on her face. She turned away, waving to the former princess as she took off into the deep gloom of the forest. Mokou turned back to stare at the departing Kaguya, she envied the former princess who could readily call upon the warmth of another. One who lived within the same time as Kaguya, one who could not betray her by simply dying. Death and dying; somehow she had begun to contemplate the idea a lot lately. She was also felt she had forgotten something very important.

_Since she came—the girl with the hooded cloak..._

"Nevermind that!" She growled out loud at herself, there were plenty of other times to think about those things. Right now she needed to load the cart for market day. It had already been a while since Kaguya left for Eientei. The sun was higher now that Mokou was dressed and had already eaten a quick breakfast consisting of tea and onigiri made of leftover rice from last night's dinner.

Every week Mokou delivered whatever goods she crafted with her own hands to a merchant in the village. Baskets, furniture, sometimes even small toys, she had become quite adept at fashioning things out of bamboo. She would deliver this week's goods, take stock of what sold, and also receive her profits from the sale of previous goods. Of course there was a fee involved for having someone else sell her wares but to Mokou it was a small price to pay to avoid interacting with others. It wasn't a lot this week, she thought, as she finished loading the small pushcart, but whatever was sold last week would be enough to buy supplies and food she needed. The furniture wasn't particularly heavy, just bulky and took up a lot of room which was why she needed the cart in the first place. _One more thing._ Returning to the cottage she picked up the carefully wrapped blue parcel and a smaller package wrapped in a white cloth. The white package contained late season berries that could only be found in the Bamboo forest, mushrooms and also tender bamboo shoots. Placing them in the cart she set out for the village.

She exited the forest and turned the cart onto the path heading towards the village. Dew drops clung to withered grass and leaves along the way, her breath emerging in a white plume as it met the winter air. Despite the early hour she encountered other travelers on the road. They bowed respectfully and she nodded in acknowledgment but did not slow down. She arrived at the village just as most humans began to stir in their homes. Shopkeepers and vendors however were already out and about, getting ready to set up for the day. Just like the travelers, she gave these humans a nod too as she passed them.

Yamaguchi, the merchant had also begun to prepare for the day when she stopped in front of the shop. Mokou had seen the current merchant grow from a little baby to a middle-aged man. She had seen the same of the merchant's father and his father before him. For generations she had dealt with the same shopkeeper family to sell her wares.

"Good morning, Fujiwara-sama," he greeted with a smile as her cart came to a stop.

"Good morning, Yamaguchi-san," she returned. As usual he was unfazed by her unsmiling face and distant mannerisms.

-x-x-x-

"Did someone new move to the village recently?" Mokou asked, the business end of her visit complete. Asking the merchant about the woman was the best bet, she would receive a definite answer from Yamaguchi. He was usually a reliable source for any answers she sought though she did not make a habit of asking.

"Oh, you must mean Koshiro-san, or I should say Koshiro-sensei. She has taken over the position of schoolteacher since Goto-sensei passed away early this year."

"Oh," Mokou muttered. Her brows lifted so faintly Yamaguchi failed to notice her expression of surprise. He continued to chat away, mentioning his children were happy to be attending school again. She nodded in the appropriate places waiting for him to finish.

"Where is she staying now? Mokou asked. His eyes brightened.

"She moved into the cottage down the path near the school. I must say Fujiwara-sama, it's most unusual for you to take interest in a new villager."

Mokou considered for a moment telling the merchant to mind his own business but that would have been incredibly rude and unseemly considering she was the one that asked. "It won't be for long," she provided instead before ending the conversation, "Thank you. I'll see you next week."

With that she left the shop, pushing her cart in front of her. Pausing every so often through the village, she shopped for rice and enough vegetables to last her a week then set out for the school building. The cart creaked as she walked past the empty school and something stirred inside her, an emotion she could almost call recognition. But what was there to recognize? Her brow furrowed, a heavy crease between them as she tried to figure out the emotion.

Her heart began to beat a little faster as she drew closer. Through the trees she caught a glance of the small house where the newcomer now resided. The house appeared to be in pristine condition from the outside and she wondered in the woman had cleaned it herself or if the villagers had done so in order to welcome her. She came to a stop a few feet away from the door and wondered if Koshiro-sensei was already awake or sleeping in today. The surrounding area was quiet, a lone bird twittered atop a bare branch before taking off into the air. There were no sounds from inside the house.

She took the parcels out from the cart and placed them in front of the door. Along the way she had wondered if it would be best to knock on the door or simply leave the packages. Manners ingrained from her birth dictated she should at least face the schoolteacher and say thank you before going on her way but she couldn't bear the idea of looking at the woman. In Koshiro-sensei's presence Mokou became unpredictable and impulsive. She did not like it one bit. Raising her hand to knock, she lowered it back to her side immediately.

She didn't have to stay and talk to the woman, Mokou decided. The second parcel she was leaving would be enough of a thank you.

Returning to the cart, she grasped the handles and pushed it back towards the road. Behind her came the noise of a door sliding open.

"Fujiwara-san?" The voice was surprised. Mokou stiffened, unmoving for a moment at being caught in the vicinity by the very person she wanted to avoid. _If you really wanted to avoid her you wouldn't have come all the way here, _an inner voice reminded her. _Well you can still leave if you like, it wouldn't be the first time you were rude to her. _She took a step towards the road and would have taken another if not for the hand that grabbed onto the back of her coat.

"It is you, isn't it, Fujiwara-san?" Mokou's jacket was released and the woman entered Mokou's field of vision. Her pale hair was a rumpled mess, her eyes still contained a hint of sleep. A shawl had been thrown around her shoulders to ward off the cold.

Mokou's heart quickened in her chest at the vulnerable, adorable and girlish appearance of Koshiro-sensei. The touch of a warm hand atop her own caused her eyes to widen and she found she couldn't speak while the woman stared at her hopefully.

"Why don't you come inside for some tea, Fujiwara-san? It's very cold today." The heat from Koshiro-sensei's palm felt as if it was burning the back of her hand where it rested and Mokou snatched her hand away quickly.

"Th-then you should dress better!" Mokou stuttered, as she tightened her grip on the cart handles. "Anyway, I just came to return your dishes. I have too many things to do today!" With that she took off down the road quickly, her booted feet flying over the ground, her pace almost at a run. She only slowed down when she reached the school again and she passed through the village calmly as if nothing had happened.

But the feeling of Koshiro-sensei's hand on hers did not disappear, nor did her racing heart slow down.

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_To be continued. _


End file.
